Google Translate: foreign language for everyone!

If you haven’t noticed yet, I am bilingual. Now, for some of you fluent only in the language in which I am writing these words, my condition may seem like something simply AWESOME. Thank you, you can stop applauding me now. Yes, yes, I’m fantastic, I know. But seriously, stop, you’re making me blush.

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A simple guide for knowing when to die

I’m concerned about the human race. I’m concerned about the race as a whole and, more importantly, I’m concerned about certain individual specimens of our race. My concern rest mainly in the following area. It appears to me that some very old creatures formerly known as humans no longer possess that natural ability of all living things—to die—having replaced all of their mortal parts with plastic and/or carbon fiber.

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