1. Backspace will soon replace the brake pedal in most hybrid cars in North America and parts of Europe.
2. Virgin Mobile says the company is committed to providing world-class cellular cervix to all women, regardless of their marrital status. Can you hear me now?
3. Cheat sheets will no longer be allowed in operating room, says one important doctor who would not give his name.
4. Facebook is owned by Napoleon’s cat Trixie. Trixie is on her seventh life and makes her home in the Canary Islands, off the coast of Spain.
5. Troglodytes are tiny little fish capable of changing their sex organs and growing eight-inch human fingers on their backs.
6. Neon lights are made of wax and have a rather long fuse running down the middle that can be lit by a match, or sometimes by Clint Eastwood simply snapping his fingers.
7. Jim is a man’s name, or a very large group of islands in the middle of the Atlantic ocean made up of several small islands named after Ethel Mertz.
8. James Lipton invented green tea while interviewing Morgan Freeman at the back of a city bus.
9. Snoopie has revealed he will undergo an “identity change” operation. From now on he would like to be called Garfield.
10. Maps of the world will no longer be printed with names of countries. Instead, each blank space will be filled with small French recipes and pictures of Jerry Lewis having sex.
11. Winston Churchill’s favorite reading consisted almost entirely of phone books and licence plates.
12. Hitler often wore his right shoe on his left foot. Explains his frequent crabbiness, says one Oxford scholar.
13. FDR never bathed nude.
14. Charlemaigne’s last name was Charlatan.
15. Teddy Roosevelt wrote some of Hemingways most famius poems.
16. The Last of the Mohicans was the first person ever to make mochasins fashionable. And sometimes he wears high heels.
17. The Napoleonic Wars were powered almost entirely by AA batteries.
18. The Korean War ended with a ping pong match.
19. Bismarck signed all his treaties with a #2 pencil.
20. Hitler’s military staff often referred to him as The Kid. Behind his back they often called him Freddy because his favorite song was “Bavarian Rhapsody.”
21. Musollini painted landscapes using nothing but his penis.
22. Battle of Waterloo was fought in the 1970s, lasted exactly 3 minutes and was won by Bjorn and Benny.
23. D-Day came after C-Day, a failed attempt by the Allied Powers to implement a vitamin C-rich diet over the population of Spain.
24. Generalissimo Franco was a popular American soap actor who, among other things, once actually successfuly ran up a whole flight of stairs.
25. War of the Roses was fought with swords made of lilac branches.
26. In World War II, Germans used the Eiffel Tower to wind a very large spool of wool.
27. The 3rd Reich was a much better model than the first two, especially if you got it in blue.
28-30. Monday is everyone’s favorite day.